Once, I was the “best friend.” Now, I am “Nia.”
Being Nia, in itself, isn’t a problem. I mean, it is my name. But now, when it’s said, there’s no real feeling behind it. It appears as if “Nia” is just another name to remember.
How does time manage to take away one’s title and change how we say someone’s name?
Let me try to break this down.
“Hey! How in the world are you?”
“I’m doing good! You?”
“I’m well. Thanks! What’s been up?”
“Same old, same old. What about you?”
“I’ve been busy with this and that, you know.”
“Oh, okay. Cool.”
Above is a generic sample conversation inspired by the many similar conversations I’ve had.
How? How does that even happen? How can you, for years, be so close to someone, share so much with someone, do so much with someone, then POOF! In a blink of an eye, that someone is nothing more than a familiar face.
“We’re not friends. We’re not enemies. We’re just strangers with memories.”
And that’s just what we are – strangers. There wasn’t a falling out or a conflict, but now, we treat each other only a little better than we would a stranger on the street. I guess the same thing could go for relationships, too.
I was at a graduation party. I made my rounds to the familiar faces, while avoiding one young man in particular. It sounds terrible, I know.
During the rest of my time at the party, the young man and I were on opposite sides of the vicinity. We locked eyes on several occasions. I wanted to go over and talk with him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I knew that I, if not the both of us, would have nothing meaningful to say.
I was once a good friend of his and his family. But now, nothing but an occasional glance was the thing keeping us connected.
I found a heart that my former best friend gave me. She gave me one half, and she had the other half.
So many memories came back to me upon seeing this heart. However, I was afraid to show her what I found. I was afraid she’d look and say, “That’s cute! Where’d you get it?” I’d rather preserve that bubble of memories than pop it with a needle of reality.
And perhaps I’m just too scared – scared that I’ll become even more sensitive to friendships than I am now.
One of the most confusing things to me is how some “strangers” can’t seem to regain the depth of closeness they once had.
You try to talk about important or unimportant things in your lives. You try to get back to where you were, but can’t. It feels like you don’t know each other at all, and you find yourself forcing a halfway decent conversation, as opposed to the easy, flowing ones you once had before.
I blame myself.
I’m the type of person who, if I didn’t speak to you for months, would be able to pick things up right where we left off. In my younger years, I assumed that everyone was the same way. Had I known that my absence would water down some of my friendships, I would’ve tried harder to communicate with them.
Some may ask, “If we’re not close now, were we even close in the first place?”
Yes. Like I said, the same idea could apply to relationships.
You can be so intimate with someone, but when the relationship is over, there’s a distance.
But for me, yes. I believe our closeness was real. Though, at that younger age, there wasn’t too much to be close with. Personalities and characters were still forming then. Our closeness could seem petty to older people, but it was real to us. It could be shallow to an adult, but a kiddie pool is deep to a kid.
Not all hope is lost. I’ve had some friendships where we’ve grown apart, fallen out of touch, got connected again, and become close again; but most of my friendships haven’t played out that way.
Do I want to be close with these “strangers” again? Yes! The ones I think of while writing this have grown up to become such wonderful people! But I don’t think they need me. New friends have come along.
Again, I may just be paranoid, but I don’t want to be the only one putting effort into a friendship that may not get deeper. I don’t want to risk making things more awkward.
It’s kind of like relationships…again. I guess I like that analogy. Some people can’t be friends after a break-up. Certain circumstances don’t allow for anything but casual, generic, surface conversations. An appropriate distance becomes the expected courtesy to replace the intimacy that was once had.
“Yeah, well, it’s great seeing you again. Take care.”
“Thanks! You, too, Nia.”
I am now “Nia.” Just Nia. At least my name is remembered. I take what I get.
I’ll have to be content with the mere memories of these strangers.
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19 Comments
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19 Comments
Baby Budget Blog 20 June 2012
We're not friends. We're not enemies. We're just strangers with memories…LOVE THIS LINE!
Unfort. that's the way it is with many people, myself included. Life and bad habits tend to make people drift apart. Only through work and effort can any relationship stand the test of time.
http://www.plentyforpennies.blogspot.com
Bonnie 20 June 2012
The same line that was quoted above by Baby Budget Blog was my favorite line. Perfectly written.
Girl, I have read your posts, and I really don't have any criticism at all. Your writing is immaculate. Seriously.
http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88
Skinny 20 June 2012
It is very sad the way relationships end sometimes but such is life. I try not to let certain things get to me
Erin 21 June 2012
This is so true. I feel like this with a lot of people from high school and now some friends from college. && you are spot-on with relationships! That Gotye song, "Somebody That I Used to Know" says it perfectly!
xx
Erin @ http://www.truffles-ruffles.com/
valncami 21 June 2012
it sucks when stuff like that happens. but life goes on! nice post though.
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Mik 21 June 2012
Oh Nia, reading this was hard, just because I had to cut off someone I have talked to for hours everday for the past 2 years, who was practically my bestie. I re assesed my friendship wand saw, I was giving too much and in the end I'd loose myself or not get to full potential and I knew she had to go. I miss her, and I know if we ever made up our relationship would never be as it was, but that's just part of life.
Hope you'll be fine
xx
Mikki
Living, Learning, Eating 21 June 2012
I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that 🙁 but I'm glad that you aren't letting it make you *too* jaded.
Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog, I followed yours. Please follow back!
xx,
LLE
http://living-learning-eating.blogspot.com
lucia m 22 June 2012
stunning!
xx
http://www.aroundlucia.com
http://www.aroundlucia.com
Jewel Clicks 22 June 2012
Lovely post. awwwwww… :3
Jewel Clicks
FashionGeek 22 June 2012
oh i get your party situation!
thanks fr the comment girl!
can't wait to see you on my blog!
http://www.faashiongeek.blogspot.com
LaJune16 22 June 2012
Beautiful blog 🙂
Follow each other?
http://lajune16.blogspot.com
Lisa Simone Daniels 22 June 2012
Thanks for commenting on my blog! I started following you, hope you will do the same!
xoxo
http://www.lamodebrux.blogspot.nl/
Jacynta Walsh 22 June 2012
relationships are always so complicated 🙁
and thank you for your lovely comment on my blog. I have started following you. Follow me back?
http://mrmrswalsh.blogspot.co.nz/
Jelena Dimić 22 June 2012
I totally get it. I wish I had never met people who treat me that way today. As though we were never friends. Happened to me a lot, unfortunately. 🙁
I'm following you now. 😀 If you want, you can find me on: http://the-wandering-heart.blogspot.com
Have a nice day! Kisses from Serbia! :*
Hannah 22 June 2012
I had exactly the same happen with my best friend from when i was a kid. we fell out over something daft and it's sad that when we see each other now it's kind of awkward and like we don't really know each other when we used to be so close for so long
raspberrykitsch.com
xx
Jodie 22 June 2012
thank you so much for the comment on my blog- I am happy to follow you as you write so well!
I can relate to this so much- not just in friendship/ relationship but as a nurse I met a lot of people and can never quite understand that when I remember things about them ans they look at me like I'm strange. It's like I'm not allowed to remmeber things about people- like I'm tthe uncaring one for mentioning it.
x
http://www.be-a-goddess.blogspot.co.uk
minika tv izle 24 June 2012
great
Forever Fred Astaire by PJ Chabwera 25 June 2012
Nia! You are making me remember I have feelings and I can't have that — I'm a "superficial mens fashion blogger"! Haha.
A very complex topic and a great read!
http://foreverfredastaire.blogspot.com/
Trisha 26 August 2023
Happy to have my boyfriend back after 3 months of breakup, ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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