“Pride [goeth] before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” -Proverbs 16:18 KJV

I was trying to find some way to write up this post without going into detail, but I don’t know how. I decided to just give it to you straight.

On the 20th of June of this year, Jae (an acquaintance of mine) sent me a link to a blogging scholarship. When I visited the site, I saw 2011 due dates and the 2011 winner. One sentence kept me there – “Stay tuned for 2012.”

I would visit the site at least once a week to see if the 2012 instructions were posted. The 28th of October began the application process. When I saw it, I stopped everything and applied right away. While typing something in, I pressed the space bar and accidentally submitted an incomplete application. However, I applied a second time and completed everything. Voting started today.

I decided I shouldn’t say anything about the scholarship until it was time to vote.

I failed.

This Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, I told people. Not a bunch of people, but still people. The way I chose to announce my apparent fortune was through a plea.

“I’m in the running for a blogging scholarship, so please vote for me. Voting starts on Wednesday.”

“Please pray that I win this blogging scholarship. Voting starts on Wednesday, so I really need you to vote, too.”

The requests, by words alone, aren’t prideful at all. In retrospect, I’m assuming my motives behind making the early requests were somehow wrong. The main motive, of course, was to prepare people to vote; but I think some sort of small, underlying, subconscious motive was to brag.

When I say “brag,” I mean that in its lightest form. I don’t know if brag is even the right term. I kind of just wanted people to know that I was a part of an amazing opportunity. I guess I wanted my friends and acquaintances to realize that my blog isn’t a waste. I didn’t say anything in a boastful manner. I didn’t even repeat my plea to the same people. I simply wanted to people to know.

I guess the comments such as “Your blog is amazing” didn’t help this pride I apparently had going on.

Yesterday, I got an email that said I won an English major scholarship. This was a scholarship that I didn’t tell people about until I put quick status up on Facebook yesterday to share the good news.

Around 2:30 this morning, I woke up unintentionally. I knew voting started today, so I checked the website. My name was nowhere to be found.

What a bummer.

I filled out the application and assumed that voting would happen afterward. When looking at the website, the word “finalists” was used. I was ignorant of the fact that voting happened for finalists only, not for everyone who applied. God knows how many people applied, so I suppose that makes sense. Perhaps, in my excitement, I overlooked that possibility. I shouldn’t have announced anything until I knew everything.

Why couldn’t I wait?

Why couldn’t I wait until today to make my announcement?

Sooner or later, the people who heard my plea will ask me what website to visit to vote for me. People will ask me, “Hey, what’s up with that blogging scholarship? Has voting started?” My answer would disappoint them.

I knew better. I usually don’t say anything about a scholarship, audition, or anything until everything is set in stone. If I don’t get a scholarship, no one else knows. If I didn’t get the part I wanted in a musical or get in a choir for which I auditioned, only I can be disappointed…no one else.

But no. I gave people this expectation, and now they will be disappointed.

“Expectation is the bridge to disappointment.” Shouldn’t I have learned from my own post?

I don’t know why my name isn’t up there. Perhaps, my essay had too much or too little detail. Perhaps, my ill application was a disservice to me after all. Perhaps, I simply wasn’t the type of blogger they were looking for, at least not a blogger to whom they’d be willing to give money.

The sad thing is I had a hell of a campaign lined up. I’d been planning it for months, and I was going to do everything I could to make sure I won.

I have half a mind to delete the campaign post I had planned for today, but the other half of my mind tells me to keep the draft as a reminder that pride comes before a fall.

And I fell…hard enough to be humbled.

“For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” -Matthew 23:12 NIV

The following things aren’t lesson I’ve just learned, but rather lessons of which I’ve been reminded:

1. If you don’t know everything, don’t say anything.

2. Expectation is the bridge to disappointment.

3. It’s better to humble yourself than to have someone/something humble you.

4. Pride comes before a fall.

The scholarship I won yesterday kind of helped cushion the fall. Today, people kept congratulating me; and when they asked how I was doing, I said I was doing well. And I was doing well, because thankfully, not even ten minutes after the fall, I quickly decided to get up, shake myself off, and start making my way towards recovery. I’m over it now.

Best wishes to the current candidates. I suppose I’ll try again in 2013.

Pictures: No copyright infringement intended.