I haven’t been feeling too awesome lately.
I mean I feel fine, but I don’t feel awesome.
I’m surrounded by SO many talented, driven, beautiful, awesome people. And, at the moment, I just feel like I’m… not.
I’m not a student at Yale. I’m not a model. I’m not a resident of an awesome city.
Life is dry right now – so dry, I have nothing to write about. (I loathe the fact that I ended that sentence – and this one – with “about.”)
I already don’t think of myself as a good writer. And when I read good books or articles or blog posts or bloody dictionaries, I feel like even less of a writer. At this point, I don’t even feel like a writer because I haven’t written anything for a while… I guess until right now.
I think I only write well when I’m inspired. To be frank, I’m not inspired at this moment. I’m lying in bed at one o’clock in the morning, typing this with one thumb on my iPhone that has 15% worth of battery left, thinking about how uninspiring my life is as of right now. How not awesome my life is right now.
I mean, I lead a good life, but I don’t think it’s an awesome one. Perhaps if my standards were lower or if my peers weren’t so bloody inspiring, I would feel better about this seemingly average life. But I don’t feel better.
My friends are in Spain and India and Peru and so on. My acquaintances are on tour or enhancing a brand or involved in a movement. My family is surfing in Los Angeles and dancing in Germany and litigating in Paris.
And what am I doing? Typing with one thumb…in the Midwest…with 12% left…mired in mediocrity. So it goes.
I loathe mediocrity, which, I suppose, is why I keep launching new projects. I’m trying to do more, give more, be more.
I’m trying to do something in the name of awesome.
I’ve had quite a few “in the name of awesome” moments throughout my short lifetime. They all seem, now, like bright moments in a rather dull timeline.
And perhaps my timeline isn’t really that dull, but I think I feel this way because I’m in a dryspell. And because my peers are not.
10% remaining.
Time is ever escaping me. I realize I don’t have much of it left. I want so badly to be awesome. At the same time, this dry slump has knocked out of me the willingness to fight for my awesomeness. I hope this will pass. I need it to pass. I need to be awesome before it’s too late.
And I suppose this is where my thoughts stop for this post, for I’ve tried to conjure up some sort of inspiring way to end this… to no avail. I guess this post kind of had to be a failure in light of the fact that my life is kind of failing too at the moment.
Perhaps I should go to an amusement park and ride some rides. Maybe then I’ll again be inspired.
8% at 2 o’clock.
Please live awesomely. I’ll try to do the same.
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