My best friend, who may or may not be reading this right now, is a perfect gentleman.
Quick background: I met my best friend in the third grade. After I moved away, we lost contact. Thanks to Facebook, we got connected again. I told you in “Strangers with Memories” that I’m the type of person who could pick things up right where I left them. He is somewhat the same way. Long story short, a few weeks ago, we hung out for the first time in a long time.
He held all the doors. He paid for stuff. He did everything right, and that had me thinking about chivalry.
I’ve spent practically all of my life living in a world where men stand when I enter a room, open doors for me, and pull out my chairs; so I’m very used to chivalry.
It simply has been a while since I’ve been treated that way by a peer, specifically one with no romantic interest whatsoever.
Interesting.
Many could argue that chivalry is meaningless, shallow, or dead.
Granted, chivalry doesn’t have as much significance today. There is no longer a medieval institution of knighthood in which to associate this code of conduct. Plus, at least in America, we’re living in a very independent women society.
So, yes. I’m fully capable of pulling out my own chair and opening a door for myself. I don’t mind it at all. I don’t need men to stand up when I enter the room. It’s okay. I’m not Her Majesty.
But…
…sometimes I’m a bit surprised when a guy cuts me off and walks through a door without even holding the door for me. Sometimes I’m surprised if a guy doesn’t pay for dinner.
I feel bad for men sometimes. Because of chivalry, they usually aren’t able to get the treatment they are expected to give. I mean, who wouldn’t want someone else to pay for dinner? That’s a free dinner.
My feelings towards chivalry are pretty mixed up, I guess. They are mixed up to the point of contradiction.
I like doing most things for and by myself; but I’m sometimes surprised if a man doesn’t at least offer to do certain things for me. I feel bad for men because of the duties they need to take on in order to be called gentlemen; but I like that those duties are there because I like to be pampered.
Beyond the pampering, acts of chivalry are meaningful to me. While some may see them as shallow actions, I see them as signs of thoughtfulness, kindness, and respect. In a way, chivalry kind of shows how important a woman is to a man, whether she be his mother, sister, friend, girlfriend, or wife. But then, a man whose chivalry is indiscriminate – like the man who will open the door for a woman who is a complete stranger – is even better.
The robotic gentleman isn’t cool, though. I’d prefer a man who wants to be chivalrous, as opposed to one who feels obligated to be chivalrous. I’d prefer chivalrous actions to be a seamless, continuous flow of actions because it’s a part of who he is.
And at the end of the day, that’s what it comes down to: who he is. It’s not about what you do. It’s about who you are as a person. Quite frankly, I value who people are above the system of chivalry.
Do I still think chivalry matters? Yes. It’s pretty difficult to erase something that’s been such a big part of my life. Though I think who a man is has more value than what he does, chivalry is something that will keep me around long enough to learn about the man.
Is chivalry dead? No. I’d say it’s on life support.
What do YOU think? Should we pull the plug on chivalry or try to keep it alive? Is chivalry important to you?
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