I don’t have the strength to write about Alton Sterling.

One of the worst things in the world is knowing that your people are under attack; and despite the many advancements made across different platforms and minds, we are still being wrongfully executed at an alarming rate and proportion. What hurts maybe just as much are the people who justify our deaths.

Most of these people aren’t donning white hoods and sheets. They’re wearing flannels and jeans, t-shirts and flip-flops, dresses and heels, suits and ties. Most of these people aren’t galavanting in the street, burning stakes, and hanging people. They’re working at the grocery you frequent, buying coffee from you, sitting in church.

“Does he have a criminal record?”
“He did have a gun in his pocket.”
“Maybe it was a stun gun and he wasn’t actually shot.”
“Cops use excessive force on many people, not just blacks.”
“This probably isn’t racism. It’s just police abusing their power.”
“Here’s a report about cops beating a college Caucasian kid.”

And on and on and on. Most of the biggest apologists are everyday people, much like you and me, who choose ignorance and inflict microaggressions that are just as bad, if not worse, than overt racism and white supremacy.

And it hurts. A knife has already been thrusted into us and those who are insensitive to it are twisting the knife deeper into our wound. It’s like someone saying, “Help! My arm is gone! They shot off my arm! I’m bleeding! I’m dying! Help!” and the onlookers say, “Stop playing the victim,” “Your arm is right there,” “Maybe if your arm wasn’t swinging at your side, you’d still have it,” “I don’t see any blood. You’re being overdramatic,” “You’re fine.”

When will they see the light? When will they see our oppression? I want to at least write something that will change their minds, that will assuage my consciousness’ need to speak, that will help validate the feels that my people have.

But I’m sad. I’m worried. I’m angry.

I’m tired.

I don’t have the strength to explicitly write on the details of Alton Sterling’s death. Because it’s too much. Because whites get off for a lot more and blacks get locked up or killed for much less. Because the police are hardly indicted and almost never convicted for these gross injustices. Because I don’t even know the names of all of the black people killed by the police. Because over 100 black men have been killed by U.S. police in 2016 alone. Because we are only halfway through the year. Because I wonder if someone I know will be next.

I’m tired. We all are. We’re mourning every day for someone new. Many of us, including me, only have the energy to cry this time.

To those who continue to write, fight, protest, and speak every time one of ours is taken, thank you. You’re needed. I know you’re weary, too; but thank you for having the strength. I will join in that strength, but I’m just not strong enough today.

#AltonSterling #BlackLivesMatter #StopKillingUs #Please