My best friend, who may or may not be reading this right now, is a perfect gentleman.
Quick background: I met my best friend in the third grade. After I moved away, we lost contact. Thanks to Facebook, we got connected again. I told you in “Strangers with Memories” that I’m the type of person who could pick things up right where I left them. He is somewhat the same way. Long story short, a few weeks ago, we hung out for the first time in a long time.
He held all the doors. He paid for stuff. He did everything right, and that had me thinking about chivalry.
I’ve spent practically all of my life living in a world where men stand when I enter a room, open doors for me, and pull out my chairs; so I’m very used to chivalry.
It simply has been a while since I’ve been treated that way by a peer, specifically one with no romantic interest whatsoever.
Interesting.
Many could argue that chivalry is meaningless, shallow, or dead.
Granted, chivalry doesn’t have as much significance today. There is no longer a medieval institution of knighthood in which to associate this code of conduct. Plus, at least in America, we’re living in a very independent women society.
So, yes. I’m fully capable of pulling out my own chair and opening a door for myself. I don’t mind it at all. I don’t need men to stand up when I enter the room. It’s okay. I’m not Her Majesty.
But…
…sometimes I’m a bit surprised when a guy cuts me off and walks through a door without even holding the door for me. Sometimes I’m surprised if a guy doesn’t pay for dinner.
I feel bad for men sometimes. Because of chivalry, they usually aren’t able to get the treatment they are expected to give. I mean, who wouldn’t want someone else to pay for dinner? That’s a free dinner.
My feelings towards chivalry are pretty mixed up, I guess. They are mixed up to the point of contradiction.
I like doing most things for and by myself; but I’m sometimes surprised if a man doesn’t at least offer to do certain things for me. I feel bad for men because of the duties they need to take on in order to be called gentlemen; but I like that those duties are there because I like to be pampered.
Beyond the pampering, acts of chivalry are meaningful to me. While some may see them as shallow actions, I see them as signs of thoughtfulness, kindness, and respect. In a way, chivalry kind of shows how important a woman is to a man, whether she be his mother, sister, friend, girlfriend, or wife. But then, a man whose chivalry is indiscriminate – like the man who will open the door for a woman who is a complete stranger – is even better.
The robotic gentleman isn’t cool, though. I’d prefer a man who wants to be chivalrous, as opposed to one who feels obligated to be chivalrous. I’d prefer chivalrous actions to be a seamless, continuous flow of actions because it’s a part of who he is.
And at the end of the day, that’s what it comes down to: who he is. It’s not about what you do. It’s about who you are as a person. Quite frankly, I value who people are above the system of chivalry.
Do I still think chivalry matters? Yes. It’s pretty difficult to erase something that’s been such a big part of my life. Though I think who a man is has more value than what he does, chivalry is something that will keep me around long enough to learn about the man.
Is chivalry dead? No. I’d say it’s on life support.
What do YOU think? Should we pull the plug on chivalry or try to keep it alive? Is chivalry important to you?
15 Comments
Etienne Stoller 30 July 2012
I completely agree with you. I love chivalry, and, in a way I expect it. However, I have not been so blessed. I have grown up with the hope of chivalry, and never really having it be up to par. So, whenever a guy is actually chivalrous, I am so grateful. Just the other day, my guy friend paid for a bottle of water for me. I was so surprised, and thanked him endlessly for something I actually hope for. I like my view, because I don't feel entitled to chivalry, and it makes me a lot more grateful when I receive it. I actually feel like a princess. I am so traditional, though.
Loved this post, darling xxx
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the creation of beauty is art. 30 July 2012
I completely appreciate chivalry. It's wonderful, those small gestures of kindness that we take for granted sometimes. But at the same time, I feel like it should go both ways – men should be spoiled with kindness and dinners too!
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Ana Carneiro 30 July 2012
I think chivalry is one of the most important values that is being lost in the 21st century. My boyfriend is a perfect gentleman, and not just with me, with everyone, and that was one of the things that first attracted me in him. The way I see it, it's really important that a men holds the doors, is always attentive and ready to help.
But there are things in which I must agree with the above post: men deserve to be spoiled as well, and nowadays there's no reason for them to always pay for everything, women usually earn about the same money now!
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Bonnie 31 July 2012
I don't think chivalry is completely dead, but some guys definitely need a refresher. Mr. A is a gentleman, but he might be one of the few gentlemen left. Guys need a class in school or something to teach them these things before entering the real world.
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Nigel Golding 31 July 2012
Women independence is a big cause of that also.I have been in situations where a woman looked at me crazy for holding the door for her. Like she gave me the "I can do it" face. In a more ever growing society where women are becoming more independent, chivalry will decline.
Apurva 31 July 2012
Absolutely love your blog ^_^
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Ask Erena 1 August 2012
I like how women empowered themselves, especially here in US. And I really truly believe that there is nothing in this world that woman can not do. But….. it is always nice to feel a woman to be surrounded by real gentlemen. Love men with good manners:-)
hugs from New York,
xx
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Holly Foxen Wells of Glamour Mash 1 August 2012
I could NOT agree with you more. I love to be my own woman and buy my own things, open my own doors, pick up the tab, etc. etc…. but sometimes, a lady just needs to be treated like a lady!!!
P.S. I have some exciting news! I am moving my blog over from ThreeLayerCake to GlamourMash and would love if you followed me there! I haven’t made the official announcement to my followers yet but I wanted to let some of my favorite bloggers (YOU!) know first!
Hope you have a fabulous week!!!
xx
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Sarah Lewis 1 August 2012
Great blog :)!
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xoxo
LINDA 1 August 2012
Very cute blog!! xoxo
Linda from http://www.moonon.com
Hollister UK 2 August 2012
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Mik 2 August 2012
Chivalry is kinda dead, but men were made to be the providers, and even though I don't mind paying for stuff, I want that security that a man is finacially stable, enough to pay for the first few dates, and is polite enough to open doors etc…I don't feel sorry for them either, we have to carry babies in our wombs, go through labour and give them children, the least they can do is be polite.
Nice piece, I enjoyed reading this
xx
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The Jones 2 August 2012
Chivalry is SO important…to me, it's a way for men to show that they are selfless and sensitive toward women. Which we all should be toward each other…but it's a great gesture and definitely makes you feel respected!
<3 Cambria
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Jewel Clicks 3 August 2012
This is an interesting post. I agree to what @mik said. 🙂
Hello Nia! 🙂 have a great weekend! 🙂 xoxo
Jewel Clicks
klewis 20 August 2012
Feminism kind of smothers chivalry with a blanket.
It's not dead, but it's now optional.
that's too bad.